AatC: Comedy and Performance Series
by thelonechipmunk
Summary: This is a new series I've developed that includes comedy acts I make for Alvin and the Chipmunks as well as special performances where I write it just so that you can actually read the performance in time with the actual song! Keep in mind this is NOT a story. It's a list of short stories. Remember to report any mistakes you find. May all munk kind reign!
1. Alvin Seville, live in Berlin!

**This was inspired by "Alvin's Comedy Hour" by Chipmunksforlife. Keep in mind, you may not understand some of the sounds Alvin makes. I'll just clear this up, he often makes strange sounds like "Aaaaargh", not like a fricken pirate, but to emphasize when someone he's imitating sounds stupid. Also, those of you who aren't exactly smart will not understand a lot of these jokes. Anyways, enjoy!**  
**:)**

The audience claps and cheers as the comedian leaves the stage and the announcer takes his place.

"_Hello again, ladies and gentlemen! You're all in for a treat. Our next guest is the world famous rock star, Alvin Seville, here live at the Berlin Olympic Stadium!_", the announcer exclaimed as he began walking off again while clapping for the red-clad chipmunk that bounded onto the stage and jumped up, grabbing the mic from it's stand and landing gracefully.

"_What up Berliiiiiiiiiiiin!_", Alvin yelled to the massive, screaming audience.

"_That's what I thought peeuhpole! How are you all doing tonight!_"

The crowd screamed out for the little chipmunk. Alvin tried saying something but was drowned out by the cheers.

"_Alright, your ruining the show._", Alvin said, making the audience die down to a chuckle, "_Alright. So, if you haven't seen me do comedy before, I am not good live. The order of my jokes are very random and abrupt. Just a heads up. If I offend anyone tonight, I apologize, that's not my intention. I'm not gonna guess what your personal line of decency is, I cross my own from time to time. It's how I know I still have one._"

The crowd chuckled loudly as Alvin continued.

"_So, as most of you are aware, me and Brittany are now boyfriend and girlfriend. Took long enough._", the audience laughed, "_She usually says to me every time I go on stage, 'Have a good show Alvie, break a leg!'. This is what she said to me before last weeks show in San Francisco, right before I walked on stage she asked, 'Hey, do you ever worry about getting shot while your out there?'. And I was like, 'What the heck is wrong with you?!'. She followed it with, 'You should move around more.'. Uhhh, you should go back to reading your own magazines. I should move around more? As if a sniper would get frustrated, like-_"

Alvin then pointed the bottom end of the mic at the audience like a rifle and started waving it side to side, making the crowd laugh hysterically.

"_Baaah! I can't keep up. He lives!_", Alvin sighed and just stood there for a second, thinking, "_I saw a homeless man start skipping yesterday, bottle hit him right in the dome. He forgot the rules! And he'll remember next time, yeah, I threw it._"

The audience began laughing again.

"_I don't care, why is he happier than me? He shouldn't be, I'm rich!_", Alvin stopped to think again while the crowd was burning up the laugh fuel he'd given them, "_Have you ever heard a girl say this to you? Brittany said to me once, 'I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.'. Then I said, 'Well I'm not honest, but you're really interesting.'._"

The audience lost it that time, laughing uncontrollably for the next minute. Alvin began to get annoyed.

"_Alright, quiet, QUIET! Yes...yes...I know I'm amazing. Funniest comedian alive, I know. I'm the best because I have enough time to cram in hundreds of jokes every time. Now let me tell my next joke!_", Alvin quickly walked to the side of the stage and picked up a small water bottle and took a sip. He set it down and walked back center stage, "_Being human does have it's perks doesn't it? You women actually have boobs. I asked Brittany once, 'Would you wear shoes if you didn't have feet?'. She answered, 'No, of course not.'. Then I said, 'Then why do you wear a bra?'._"

Everyone began chuckling again.

"_Yeah. I had to keep a bag of ice in my shorts for a week after that. No wonder women are better at soccer than men._", Alvin turned to the other side of the stadium, "_I am all for women who decide to get plastic surgery. It allows the rare opportunity for you to make your outer appearance reflect your inner appearance. Fake._"

Everyone busts out laughing.

"_Which is a positive joke for women unless of course you have fake boobs. Lets face it, you're not bright enough to get that joke! Heheh, how's that feel, whores! Yeah, just keep telling yourself you did it so your shirts would fit better. You did it because you're a whore! You forgot because you're stupid!_", the crowd continues laughing as Alvin rambles on, "_Enjoy your free drinks! I'll buy, I love big boobies! Aaaagh! Yeah! You got big boobs? Top shelf! Small boobs? Mmmm, beer in a can._"

Alvin walks off to the side a bit while waiting for the crowd to regain their bearings.

"_Ever been to a third world country? Not a boob job in the bunch, yet they still find happiness. And that's discouraging because they're tough to look at. Nonono, I know you have a hair lip, but why not work on that rack first! Heheh! I'm from America, don't speak your burga burga language! By the way, I hate soccer!_"

People can be seen rolling on the ground with their hands on their sides, hysterical grins on their face.

"_And we wonder why other countries think we're a train wreck, and we have shows like The Swan, Extreme Make over. I don't wanna develop a personality so I'm better off with you cutting my face!_"

Alvin walks up closer to the audience and makes a ridiculous frown with his lips curled back.

"_'A-am I happy? This is the expression I ordered, happy'...put me on extreme make over. I'd like a vagina under my arm! Yeah, that's extreme! I don't even know if they can do this surgery, whatever, I signed the waver! Lets go doc, drill! You know how I like it, five sixteenths and juicy like a star burst!_", Alvin begins chuckling to himself too, "_This joke gets worse! Hang in there, alright? Then Ryan back at school is like, 'You look different.'_"

Alvin raises his arm into the air, "_Heheh, ohhhhhhhaaaaAAAH! Oh man! Are you ticklish? Huh? Come guys, two fingers, Aaaaagh yeah! That feels sooo good, now I know why I call you best friend forever!_"

Alvin sighs, "_I bought a special car designed just for me. It's got an elevated seat and levers that connect to the real petals so I can use the gas, brake and other things, oh it's sooo cool! Anyways, I was learning to drive in my junior year. I was on the freeway once and I looked over and saw a guy with his bear foot sticking out the window!_", the audience still can't stop laughing, "_Can we agree that that's disgusting? So I pulled over to scream at him when I realized it was an amputee making a left! I know, but I'd already started yelling like, 'AAAAHOOohPfftttt, your...blinker's out! And he waved...or kicked. Received the information..._"

Alvin takes another sip of his water as the crowd keeps chuckling at his joke.

"_I think people are forgetting what pedophilia is. Like, my brother Simon told me about a news article he read once about a mid forties, male elementary school teacher that had been tying up his entire class and molesting them. Yeah, and he'd been getting away with it for over ten years._", everyone starting Ooohing with there hands up to there mouths, "_Of course everyone was horrified. However, when a woman does this, it doesn't become an issue. Like what if a hot, female teacher bangs a fourteen year old student, and nobody in society seems to have a problem with it. They all say the same stupid joke, 'Uuh huh huh, probably made the kid more popular, Aaaargh'. That's disgusting. She's a pedophile, she should be in prison forever. I dated a teacher in my senior year, yeah. It didn't make me cooooler. And a lot of you were like, 'Well that's because you were home schooled.'._"

The audience busts out laughing hysterically again as Alvin continues.

"_Va-valid point! Doesn't mean I'm a bad chipmunk, just means statistically I'm smarting than you are. And I had game._"

Alvin turns to the other side of the crowd.

Alvin waits a moment to think, "_A leopard can carry two times it's body weight into a tree...I don't have a joke for that yet, but it is accurate so If you don't like my stand up, at least you can go home saying, 'You know what, I learned something. That guys like a darn Snapple.'. Alright, you might not like the flavor, but once you pop the top your like, 'Ooooh, the sun is hot! Forty five million degrees Fahrenheit, it feels warmer!'. Georgia's south of Florida? Bullcrap Snapple! Then I saw the globe, I was like, 'Oh, I'm sorry Snapple. You were always right!'._"

Alvin drinks his water again and walks center stage. Everyone is just settling down as he continues.

"_We've gotta seal up the borders in America, that's for sure. Yeah. I'm not talking about mexico either, I love mexico. Beautiful beaches and fifty dollars never bought me so much toaster waffles. Sure, it had some sand in it, but I had a garbage bag, I was king for a day!...I'm talking about Canada, stay in your own yard! I'm sooo sick of these Canadians down here, always complaining, 'It's nice, but I couldn't live here, I love seasons too much. I love seasons.', so do I! That's why I live in a place that skips the cruddy ones! Because I love seasons. Why don't you ice skate you butt back to your log cabin...and enjoy that ten month dead period!_"

The crowd, of course, if holding their guts again, trying not to hack up a lung.

"_Where you get to stay inside, day after day, after day. And eventually you have to stab your wife to death just so you can see some color! That's my favorite season where your wife is lying dead on the floor...those reds, am I right? It's like maine! We should get lobster._"

Alvin walks a bit closer to the crowd.

"_Anywhere you live, there's risk. I live in California now, and we have earthquakes, mudslides. And the rest of the country's like, 'Ha! That's what you get for building your homes on the side of cliffs!'. Heheh, that's because we've got stuff to look at, Tulsa! Why don't you shut your mouth and enjoy that new strip mall! I hear they're gonna put a Chilis in it, that's gonna be super sweet! On Thursdays, they're doing two for one appetizers.'I'm gonna go pizza popper, you get the spinage artichoke dip. I wanna get chicken fingers, your getting a chicken caesar salad, it's a different kind of chicken!'. Heheh, that joke was long and worth it._"

Alvin waits out the audience's profusive laughing by getting a drink of water again. He wipes his mouth and continues.

"_Poker's a sport? Then put it in the olympics. And you can only play with what your country's worth. How great would that be, being an American! 'Looks like Costa Rica's all in with fifteen coconuts!'. Heheh!_", Alvin sighs, "_Parade or fireworks, which do you go to? Fireworks. I don't even have a joke for the moron that yells, 'Parade! I would go to a parade, I'm here alone because I make horrible decisions!'. You don't even know when a parades finished, like, 'Man, is that it? Can we go? I'd like to wash the gay off me!'. Fireworks, you know when they're finished. The finally? It's pretty impressive, parades could learn a thing or two. They need a finally, my recommendation, one more lap, sixty times the speed. All bands in a full sprint, floats going eighty, midgets flying off cause they have little fingers, they can't hold on. So kids in the side lines are catching them, 'Mom, can I keep him?', 'I don't see why not. They're not real.'. They're not! They can't even vote in my country! Ok, they can vote, but they have no clue who they picked. They're jumpin' up grabbing levers. And that's the story of how president bush won the election! Heheh, yes I did! Aaaw, that joke had a happy ending._"

Alvin turns again to the other side of the stadium.

"_Heheh, you humans have a weird sense of style. His jeans are faded, her jeans have holes in them, yet they're not that old, that's how you bought them. That's ridiculous. I say give them brand new to the homeless, let them age it, then take it back, wash it, sell it. That way we can clothe the homeless, but we can still look down on them because they're not in style. Heh, we need classes, know your role._", and now the crowd's laughing with their hands to their mouths.

"_I assume you all know how much of a trouble maker I am. You should know this from the three movies I've been in so far. I play practical jokes on my family constantly. I got Brittany sooo good one time, I replaced her pepper spray with silly string! Anyways, that night, she got raped. She called me the next day going, 'You son of a bitch! You little jerk, as soon as I started spraying him in the face, I was like, 'Alvin?! This is gonna really hurt!'.'. I had to wear the ice pack for another week as you can imagine._"

The audience is completely losing it at this point.

"_A lot of people complain that their girlfriend or wife takes too long to get ready when they go out at night. I've never had that complaint, and I think...it's because I never want to go anywhere. So I couldn't care less how long it takes Brittany to get ready. That's just less time I have to spend with her horrible friends pretending I don't wanna kill myself. Yeah. She'll take an hour an a half to get ready and come over to the door like, 'Oh my goodness! You were sooo patient!'. I'll be like,'For what? You look disgusting!'. Now she's crying, whatever, I bought my self an extra two hours to watch the game. Heheh!_"

The crowd chuckles while Alvin goes for another drink of water.

"_Sometimes I like to sit on the toilet in reverse. 'We're listening.'. It's nice right? You can turn around and lean on the tank. 'I'm gon' be here for uh while.'. Yeah, the people who are clapping right now are like,'Ok, all kidding aside, he is a genius. Nononono, it's the simplicity of it! I've been sitting on that thing my whole life, you're telling me I can turn around? Have a bowl of cereal, set the alarm ten minutes later? Multitask!'. Ok, nobody should eat while on the toilet. 'But I'm lactose intolerant and I've always wanted to enjoy a bowl of puffins with whole milk!'. It's more of an almond milk cereal but live your dream. Somebody emailed me recently saying,'Hey rat, I which for the record is a wonderful subject line if you ever want me to read your emails.'. Oh lets see what this nice fan has to say! 'You had me at hello. You know you have to take your pants completely off to sit on the toilet backwards.'...Touche! Alright, so I didn't research, it's a pre shower dump. Agreed? Can we move on, sticklers to every joke detail?! Do you ever have a post shower dump? Aaaagh, may as well go back to bed and start your whole day over! Things are wrong! That's not the order of events! There's a glitch in the matrix! This worlds not real! MOM! Wipe me! Heheh, you guys have been great. Goodnight!_", Alvin exclaimed as he set the mic by the stand and picked up his water while waving at the crowd as he walked off stage.

**Thanks for reading! Make sure to review, telling me what you thought of the jokes!**


	2. Radioactive, performed by AatC!

**This performance features the song "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. However, because this is designed as it's been, it can ONLY be read with the song if the song is the live version I made. To find it, go to youtube in a new tab and look up, "Imagine Dragons-Radioactive (Live) (Chipmunks Version)". It should be the first video that comes up, excluding the ad videos that show before it. The uploader is "Deven Reed". To read this correctly, you must read at a very steady pace. Do NOT rush it. You will read ahead of the song if you do and end up just sitting there while the song plays cause you can't read the next part cause the chipmunks aren't singing yet. If you're a slow reader, you shouldn't have too much trouble. If you however have trouble reading fluently, then you may as well just read something else. So, play the video after you've finished reading this. My intro will begin playing when you start the video. The INSTANT the intro music stops, you begin reading. Enjoy.**

In the dim light, the chipmunks were still invisible in their dark clothing, but the audience could sure hear them. The chipmunks started it off simply singing a low note.

**-Alvin- -Simon- -Theodore-** "_OhhhhhhhOHHHohhh...OhhhhhhhOHHHohhh...OhhhhhhhOHHH ohhh...Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..._"

Alvin then picked up a large mallet with a ball of hard material at the end, covered in cloth and began beating it against a massive drum beside him, the lights flickering bright momentarily with every beat. He quickly moved back to the mic again.

**-Alvin-** "_I'm waking up to ash and dust...I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust...breathing in the chemicals._"

Spotlights flood the stage bright blue then red.

**-Alvin-** "_I'm breaking in and shaping up...checking out on the prison bus...this is it, the apocalypse...WHOAooo...I'm waking up._"

Alvin holds out the mic to the crowd then back.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_Enough TO MAKE MY SYSTEMS BLOW...Welcome to the new age, to the new age...Welcome to the new age, to the new age...WHOAOOooOOoo...WHOAOOooOOoo, I'm..._"

**-Alvin- -Simon- -Theodore-** "_RADIOACTIVE..._"

Alvin holds the mic out to the crowd again.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_WHOAOOooOOoo...WHOAOOooOOoo, I'm..._"

The crowd sings again. Alvin walks to the other side of the stage as he sings.

**-Alvin-** "_Raise my flags...don my clothes...It's a revolution I suppose...paint it red, to fit right in...WHOAoo...I'm breaking in...shaping up...checking out on the prison bus...this is it, the apocalypse...WHOAoo..._"

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_I'm waking up..._"

Alvin walks back again with the mic out to the crowd.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_Enough TO MAKE MY SYSTEMS BLOW...Welcome to the new age, to the new age...Welcome to the new age, to the new age...WHOAOOooOOoo...WHOAOOooOOoo, I'm..._"

The crowd sings to the mic Alvin holds outward.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_WHOAOOooOOoo...WHOAOOooOOoo, I'm..._"

Alvin once again holds the mic out to the audience.

**-Alvin-** "_All systems go...the sun hasn't died...deep in my bones...straight from inside...whoaooOoOOOoOooooo...WhoaooOoOOOoOO..._"

Alvin then sets the mic in it's stand and picks up the mallet again. Theodore also picks up a mallet and goes to the opposite side of the four foot tall drum. They both stand atop stools to hit the center of it. A synthesizer plays again, making string instrument notes while Alvin and Theodore hit the drum every so often in time with the beat as the song goes soft. The spotlights have dimmed again, flashing with every beat.

Alvin sets down the large mallet and substitutes it with two smaller ones to pick up the pace of the drum. The beat speeds up a bit as Alvin and Theodore hit the drum faster and faster, banging the rim of the drum as well occasionally The string instrument sounds also speed up in time with the drums but the piano continues it's tempo. The string sounds intensify as well as the drum speed and how hard it's hit. The beat intensifies further and speeds up faster, and faster, and faster!

Alvin moves away from the huge drum and continues on a smaller one that faces up. Theodore hits the large, sideways drum as hard as he can, hitting it faster and faster...harder and harder. The audience's cheers get louder as well as the song itself. Bum-bada-bum-badum...Bum-bada-bum-badum. The strings play a single note repeatedly, crescendoing for a moment then decrescendoing. It crescendos again as the song just about reaches it's climax and everything but the crowd goes silent. The stage goes pitch black for a moment...then lights up bright red as the song climaxes at last.

**-Alvin- -Simon- -Theodore-** "_I'm waking up...I FEEL IT IN MY BONES...TO MAKE MY SYSTEMS BLOW...Welcome to the new age, to the new age...Welcome to the new age, to the new age..._"

Alvin holds the mic to the audience.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_I'm...RADIOACTIVE..._"

The crowd sings.

**-Alvin- -Theodore-** "_WHOAOOooOOoo...WHOAOOooOOoo, I'm..._"

Alvin holds the mic out to the crowd for the final time before moving away from it to dance to the beat of the music for a moment then back to the mic.

**-Alvin-** "_YAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa!_"

He then twists around from the mic, swinging his head up and down to the beat as Simon plays an epic guitar solo. Theodore jumps up on the stool again, banging against the large drum while Alvin moves to the smaller one again with the two mallets he'd used earlier, helping to pick up the pace of the song even further.

Alvin vacates the small snare drum and the small mallets, picking up the large one again and joins Theodore atop the stool to hit the big drum again. Simon jumped to the center of the stage, sliding to his knees with the guitar in hands...plucking the strings down the line of possible notes repeatedly, his fingers move wildly along the guitar strings as Alvin takes the mic in hand as the song ends.

**-Alvin-** "_RADIOACTIVE...RADIOACTIVE!_"

The crowd roared to life, cheering on Alvin, Simon and Theodore for the amazing performance. The three bothers regrouped at the center of the stage, all of them panting and sweating as they waved to the audience. Alvin took the mic out of the stand again and walked up to the tip of the stage. Simon and Theodore quickly joined him.

"_Thank you all so much! You're a fantastic audience!_", Alvin yelled into the mic.

"_Goodnight people!_", Simon and Theodore both said in unison, Simon taking the microphone and handing it to a band member before walking offstage alongside Alvin and Theodore.

**I hope you enjoyed this performance! Remember to review, telling me what you thought it! I welcome your opinions with open arms!**


	3. Torture, performed by AatC and MM!

**(Hello Everyone! Real quick before you read this, I'd like to promote the story "THE PROTOTYPE", written by chipmunksforlife. If you're into Simon getting infected by a super enhancing virus which allows him to generate huge black and red scythe-like claws and fight the Alex Mercer from the game "Prototype", then this is your kind of story. Go check it out! Anyways, enjoy the short performance.)**

Simon and Theodore stared at the young girl on stage, mesmerized by her impeccable singing. They were snapped out of their trance when they heard Toby behind them.

"Hey...hey, hey! Guys, any sight of Alvin yet? Huh?", Toby asked, breathing heavily from searching for Alvin and the Chipettes.

"No...no Alvin...and no Chipettes. Just...just Dr. Rubin and, you know. The Entiiiiire school counting on us.", Simon replied.

"Well...um...yeah, you know, do-don't worry. Everything will work out...ish."

Simon and Theodore just looked down in utter defeat. Back at the stage, the girl finally finished her song. The audience cheered for her as she vacated the stage and the announcer took her place.

"And now for our final act of the night! Now listen, we've had a last second change to the line up, but we don't think you're gonna be too disappointed! Representing West Eastman, it's...the chipmunks!"

The audience screamed out, cheering and whistling as the announcer left the stage.

Simon looked at his youngest brother, "We may have to go out there, Theodore.", said Simon.

Outside, they could hear the audience chanting, 'chipmunks'.

"Well if there are no chipmunks, we're gonna have to move on. So now...", said the announcer, making the cheering turn to booing.

Theodore rested his forehead against his blue-clad brother, "I don't want to be booed again.", said Theodore.

"You may not have to.", replied a squeaky voice behind them.

They both turned to the voice with big grins on their faces, expecting to see Alvin, but were quickly disappointed to find a chipmunk they'd never seen before.

He has mild auburn fur covering everything but his face and chest, which are coated in golden fur. He wears a white suit with a bright blue tie.

"I know you'd normally perform with Alvin, but I think I can help you. My name is Will Paint. It's a pleasure to meet you two.", said will, whilst extending him paw to the chipmunks before him.

"A-are you any good?", asked Simon as he took Will's paw and shook with him.

"Absolutely! I have my own songs too. Any of them will win for sure."

Simon sighed, "Well...good. We can't perform our songs without Alvin anyways. So, what do you want us to do?"

The announcer was just about to declare the winner when he found himself staring into a pair of brown eyes that sat atop the stand where the mic goes. He leaned in to hear what the chipmunk had to say...then smiled.

"Well folks, it appears the chipmunks will be able to perform after all! Playing the song "Torture" by Alvin's replacement, Will Paint, I give you the chipmunks!"

The crowd went somewhat silent after that, obviously confused as to why Alvin had to be replaced. While they talked amongst themselves, Simon, Theodore and Will all took the stage along with a few humans carrying the necessary equipment. Will walks up to Simon and hands him a guitar.

"You sure you can use this?", asked Will.

Simon simply nods and walks over to his spot on stage. Stands holding up sheet music sit before all of them except Will since they'd never played his song before.

**(At this time, bring up a new tab and go to youtube. Either look up "Les Friction-Torture (Remastered) (Chipmunks Version)" or copy and paste "/watch?v=rF_ieS93zKI" just after ".com" in the url and hit enter. This will bring you to my music video of the song performed in this short story. As before, read at a moderate rate. Try to read at the same pace for the duration of the song. Upon bringing up the video, first make sure it won't have any trouble playing. Then, simply begin reading the performance as soon as the intro music ends. Because Will Paint is the only one singing, I will be excluding names before every vocal. Enjoy!)**

The crowd suddenly goes silent as Theodore starts the performance off by playing on a small, electric piano. Will walks up to the front of the stage with a small microphone and holds it sideways over his waste with both paws, waiting for the moment he begins to sing. Will looks over at Theodore with a smile as Theodore finishes off the last few notes and Will begins to sing.

"_Savor the time and the trouble...Just leave me trapped in the maze...I'll live and die in this bubble...But I'll never give iiiiiin to you're torturous waaaaaaayohhhh I cower when you're near. It's torture. TortuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuureaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAH!_"

Simon looks at Will in shock and awe as well as Theodore who continues playing his piano.

"_Never considered it futile to carry the weight of your pain. A gift, conceived by angels. Dark blessings offered in vain!_"

"_I stood outside when the roof gave in! You called from the wreckage...you were lying in. You were out of reach, and we're out of time, but I took it all...and towed that line! You held my hand and pulled me down with yoooooooou..._"

"_It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...I cower when you're near! It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...The scars born out of fear...The Horrooooooooooooor...You're soul so black and chilled! It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...I can't stop what can't be killed! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh-..._"

He cut off and his voice practically melted into the music.

"_Save a place inside the walls of your cluttered mind...Leeets listen for siiiiiiileeeence...And sail back to when you crumble and decay...There's no love in this viiiiiiileeeence...No love anymore. No love anymore. No love anymore. No love anymoooooooooore..._"

Simon quickly finds the notes on his guitar and begins playing. A cheeky grin forms on his furry face by how well the guitar solo he's playing fits into the song, harmonizing flawlessly. He concentrates harder on playing as perfect as he can while Will continues singing.

"_It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...I cower when you're near! It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...The scars born out of fear...The Horrooooooooooooor...You're soul so black and chilled! It's tortuuuuuuuuuuuuure...I can't stop what can't be killed! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh-..._"

Everything abruptly goes silent...then reverts back to Theodore's simple and quiet piano playing. Will brings the mic behind him in both paws and breaths in slowly, closing his eyes, then exhales, opening them. He turns back to Simon and then Theodore again, smiling as before. He mouths the words, 'great jobs guys'. Theodore then finishes the song.

The audience suddenly stands up, bursting out with cheers and clapping significantly louder than the other performances received. Ironically, this happens not two seconds before Alvin lowers into the building on a toy helicopter with the Chipettes. They slowly descend and then land onto the middle of the stage with Alvin jumping off and waving at the crowd.

Alvin's huge grin immediately shrivels when he realizes the audience isn't chanting his name. He quickly runs over to Simon and grabs him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly as he frantically speaks.

"Simon! What's going on?! Was I too late? Why are they screaming willed pain?!", Alvin demands.

He turns with an irritated expression to a paw tapping him on the shoulder, "What?!"

"The name's Will Paint."

**(Did you enjoy this? Of course you did! That is unless you didn't listen to the song while reading like you were supposed to. This is a special short story designed to be read along with a song. You're only ruining the experience by not doing so. If you like my writing skills, be sure to check out my other stories! Just...pay attention to their ratings though. Some of my stories can be quite scarring.)**


	4. Simon Seville, live in New York!

**(Fine. You all win. I've decided Simon is the second oldest after MANY conversations on the subject. I still remember hearing Mr. Bagdasarian saying Simon was the oldest in an interview but I am just tired of arguing. I will however not update my other stories about this and stories that already referred to Simon as the oldest will remain that way. Anyways, try to imagine that the audience it pretty much chuckling at least a little throughout the whole act. Writing that the audience is laughing is difficult to write differently each time cause of a lack of words. It just gets repetitive and ruins the comedy act. Anyways, enjoy the comedy!)**

The lights of the stadium went dim as the vast crowd fell silent. A single beam protruded through the bare illumination upon the empty stage.

"I'm over here you quarter wit imbecile!", remarked a high pitched voice into a mic.

The crowd laughed as the spot light moved to the left of the stage where Simon stood. The light followed him as he walked center stage then shut off as the lights lit up the entirety of the building again. Everyone clapped and whistled for a moment until Simon gestured to stop by flattening his paw and flicking it beside his neck.

(Things can be explained easier through video, so use this if you don't understand, "/watch?v=73lsIXzBar0", on youtube starting at 2:43 and ending at 2:52.)

"Good evening everyone! I am Simon Seville, second oldest son of Dave Seville. I'm the intellect of the family, although most of you are probably aware of this. Anyways, I'm sorry I wasn't out here sooner, but I was given the wrong dressing room so I couldn't find a place to put my stuff. I don't know how you are, but I need a place to put my stuff. So that's what I was tryin' to do back there, just trying to find a place for my stuff. You know how important that is. That's the whole meaning of life isn't it! Trying to find a place for your stuff! That's all a house is, it's just a place for your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house! You could just walk around all the time! That's all a house is, it's a pile of stuff with a cover on it."

"You see that when you take off on an air plane and you look down and see that everyone's got a pile of stuff, everybody's got their own pile of stuff. And when you leave your stuff you've gotta lock it up! Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff! They don't bother with that crap you're saving. Ain't nobody interested in your forth grade arithmetic papers. They're looking for the good stuff!"

"So that's all your house is. A place to keep your stuff while you go out to get more stuff! Now, sometimes you've gotta move! You need a bigger house. Why? Too much stuff! You've gotta move all your stuff! And maybe put some of your stuff in storage. Imagine that, there's a hole in the street based on keeping an eye on your stuff."

The audience laughed loudly as Simon continued.

"Enough about your stuff, lets talk about other people's stuff. Did you ever notice that when you go to someone else's house, you never feel one hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff! Somebody else's stuff is all over the place! And what awful stuff it is! Where did they get this stuff?! And if you have to stay over night at someone else's house, and they give you a little room to sleep in that they don't use that often...someone died in it eleven years ago?! And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Or wherever they give you to sleep, usually there's a dresser next to the bed, but there's never any room on the dresser for your stuff. Someone else's junk is on the dresser! Have you ever noticed that their stuff is junk, and your junk is stuff!"

Several people screamed out laughing at that one and everyone began cheering as Simon gestured as if shoving something off from atop a table with his arm.

"Get that off of there!", Simon yelled away from the mic.

"Now. Now sometimes you go on vacation...you've gotta bring some of your stuff with you. You can't bring aaaaall of your stuff! Just the stuff you really like. The stuff that fits you well that month. Lets say you're gonna go to Honolulu, and you've got to bring two big bags of stuff, plus your carry on stuff, plus the stuff in your pockets. So you go all the way to Honolulu and you get to your hotel room and start to put away your stuff. That's the first thing you do when you get to your hotel room is put away your stuff!"

Simon begins pretending to put away things into various drawers and what not.

"I'll put some stuff in here, put some stuff down there. Here's another place for my stuff, I'll put some stuff over there, you put your stuff over there, I'll put my stuff over here, here's another place for your stuff...hey! We've got more places than we've got stuff! We're gonna have to buy...more...stuff!"

The crowd cheers while Simon takes a sip of water from a small glass beside him.

"And you put aaaall your stuff away and you know you're thousands of miles away from home but you know you must be ok because you do have some of your stuff with you. So you relax in Honolulu on that basis. That's when your friend from Maui calls and says, 'Hey! Why don't you come on over to Maui for the week end? Spend a couple of nights over here!'. Oooooh nuts, no...now what stuff do you bring? Right! You've got to bring an even smaller version of your stuff! Just enough stuff for a week end on Maui. And you're really spread out now, you've got junk all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets, supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain!"

"But you get over to your friend's house in Maui and he gives you little place to sleep in. There's a little window ledge or some small shelf but that's ok cause you don't have much stuff now. And you put what stuff you do have up there, you put up your imported, French, toe nail clippers...your cinnamon flavored dental floss...your deodorant with the twenty four hour guarantee...and your Afren twelve hour decongestant nasal spray. And you know you're a long way from home but you know you MUST be ok because you do have your Afren twelve hour decongestant nasal spray! So you relax in Maui on that basis."

"That's when your friend says, 'Hey, I think tonight, we'll go over to the other side of the island and stay at my friends house over night.'. Oooooh no...NOW what stuff do you bring?! Now you just bring the things you know you're gonna need! Money, keys, comb, wallet, hanky, pen, Vaseline, cell phone, meds, _'toys'_ and a book!"

The crowds laughter dies out after a few moments while Simon gets another drink of water and sighs as he walks back up to the audience.

"If you know how I am, you'll find this a little shocking, but now we're going to talk about base ball...and foot ball."

Just about every guy in the entire stadium began screaming and cheering as Simon continued.

"Starting with base ball. Base ball is different from any other sport in a lot of different little ways. For instance, in most sports, you score points, or you score goals. In base ball, you score runs. In base ball, the defense puts the ball in play, and only the defensive team is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in base ball, if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, ", Simon clicks his tongue and points his thumb behind him, "he's out! Also, in most sports, the team is ran by a coach. In base ball, the team is ran by a manager, and only in base ball does the coach or the manager have to wear the same uniform the players do...can you picture Bill Parcels in his New York Giants uniform?"

The crowd laughed noticeably louder.

"Now, baseball and football are different from one another in other kinds of interesting ways I think. First of all, uh, ", Simon begins dramatically changing his tone of voice between describing baseball and football, making baseball sound happy and pleasant and football desolate and war-like, "baseball is a nineteenth century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth century technological struggle. Baseball is played on a diamond...in a park! The baseball park! Football is played on a grid iron in a stadium. Sometimes called soldier field or war memorial stadium. Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life! Football begins in the fall when everything is dying...in football, you wear a helmet. In baseball, you wear a cap! Football is concerned with downs...what...doooown is it? Baseball's concerned with ups! Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up, he's up! In football, the specialist comes in to kick. In baseball, the specialist comes in to relieve someone! In football, you receive a penalty. In baseball, you make an error...whoops! Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, blocking, piling on, late hitting, unnecessary roughness and personal fouls...baseball has...the sacrifice! Football is played in any kind of weather. Rain, sleet, snow, hail, mud, can't read the numbers on the field, can't read the odd markers, can't read the players numbers, the struggle will continue. In baseball, if it rains, we don't come out to play! I can't come out to play, it's raining out! Baseball has the seventh inning stretch. Football has the two minute warning. Baseball has no time limit, we don't know when it's gonna end! We might have extra innings! Football is rigidly timed and will end even if we have to go to sudden death! In baseball in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling. Emotions may run high or low but there's not that much unpleasantness. In football in the stands during the game, you can be sure that at least twenty seven times, you are perfectly capable of taking the life of a fellow human or chipmunk. Preferably a stranger..."

Everyone chuckled loudly as Simon proceeded.

"And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different. In football, the objective is for the quarter back, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense be hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing his aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line!"

The audience cheers loudly while laughing as Simon continues.

"In baseball, the object is to go home...and to be safe! I hope I'll be safe at home, safe at home!"

Simon chuckles slightly to himself along with the cheering as he takes a drink of water.

"Well that's that. Let's talk about something that's been kinda bothering me lately. It's a little random but...think about the concept of the flame thrower. Ok? The flame thrower, because we have them! Well...we don't have them, the army has them...uh, but we have flame throwers, and what this indicates to me is at some point, someone thought to themself, 'Gee, I'd sure like to set those people on fire over there...but I'm way to far away to get the job done. If only I had something that could throw flame on them!'. Well it might have ended right there but he mentioned it to his friend...his friend who was...good with tools, huh! And a month later, he was back, 'Hey! Quite a concept!'."

Simon then began waving his free paw about the air while blowing loudly into his mic as if he was using a flame thrower, earning loud chuckles from the audience.

"Well, of course the army heard about it, and they came around, 'We'd like to buy about five hundred thousand of them please! We have some people we would like to throw flame on. Give us five hundred thousand and paint them dark brown. We don't want anyone to see them!'. Heh heh heh! Enough of that I suppose. I actually came up with that just yesterday. Alvin was playing some new video game he got from a friend of his and I had just found out how violent it was when he fried someone with a flame thrower and big, bold and gold numbers appeared on the screen."

Someone deep in the crowd began laughing hysterically as Simon continued.

"Anyways. Now...we get into the filth of the world to wrap up this performance for you good people and fellow chipmunks if any of you are out there among the audience tonight. This segment is called 'The seven words'. So...I'll jump right into it here. We have several words that have been brought up into our daily lives that we've concluded not to use all the time. That's the only thing you can really say about these words for sure, that there are some words, not many either, just a few, that we've decided...tsk, well we won't use them all the time. However, some times it's ok, but just not all the time, and they're the only words that seem to have that restriction! I mean there are a lot of words you can say whenever you want, PNEUMONIA! No body gives you a lot of...alright, you can't yell it in a hospital, a great deal but what the heck. TOPOGRAPHY! Nobody has ever gone to jail for screaming topography! But there are some words out there that you can go to jail for. The biggest concern of when and how these words are used is on television. However, some words aren't dirty all the time, I call them part time filth, they're only fifty percent dirty. We have words like ass, for instance you can say on TV, 'Well you've made a perfect ass of yourself tonight.'. But you can't say, 'Hey, lets go get some ass!'. Another one you may or may not be able to say depending on it's use could be prick. You can say, for example, you pricked your finger, just don't say you fingered your prick!"

Simon walks over to another portion of the stage as he continues.

"Something that seriously confuses me though is the amount of categories that exist to describe said words. It's to the point where there are more ways to describe these words than there are these words. That seems...a little strange to me. It seems to indicate that someone was awfully interested in these words. They kept referring to them. They called them bad...words, dirty, filthy, foul, vile, vulgar...coarse, in poor taste, unscenely...street talk, gutter talk, locker room language...barracks talk...bawdy, naughty, saucy, raunchy, rude, crude, lewd, lascivious, indecent, profane, obscene, blue, off color...risque...suggestive...cursing, cussing, swearing and all I could think of were shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, mother fucker and tits!"

The crowd's cheers and laughter drowned out Simon for a moment before he could proceed.

"That was all I had! Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, mother fucker and tits. That was my original list, of which I normally would strongly follow as a 'words to avoid' list but in this case, it's ok. Now, I've added a few since I first came up with it, I've added asshole, ball bag, hard on, piss hard, blue balls, taint, nooky, twat, snatch, box, pussy, pecker, pecker head, pecker tracks, jism, joint, donicker, dork, geek, nerd..."

The audience laughed considerably louder at that.

"Poontang...corn hole and dingle berry. Although, to me, dingle berry's quite an innocent sounding word, sounds christmasy to me. 'Lets put one on the tree dad!'. Well anyways, mother fucker came off the list immediately, the first day in fact, I got a call from an English language purist, you know, he had to talk. He tells me I have a duplicate on my list, there's a duplication. He called me saying, 'Mother fucker is a duplication of the word fuck technically. Because fuck is the root form, mother fucker being derivative, therefore it constitutes duplication.'. And I responded like this only because I felt it would be funny considering the situation, 'Hey! Mother fucker, how'd you get my phone number anyways? Look sir, it may be derivative, but you still can't say it!'. 'Well, neither can you say fucker, fucky, fuckle, fucking, fuckeroono or fuckerino either.'. 'Well, that would crowd up my list something awful wouldn't it.'. So I just struck that mother fucker away, struck it from the list. Mother fucker was gone. Now the list was shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, tits...shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, tits...doesn't it sound like something's missing? It's like an old friend is gone...remember the old rhythm? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, mother fucker, tits. Cock sucker, mother fucker, tits! Cock sucker, mother fucker, tits! Now, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock sucker, tits...it falls apart, it isn't going anywhere! And by now, cock sucker is the dominant word on the list. When mother fucker was there, it was somewhat balanced out. They were the only multisyllabic words on the list, but now, shit, piss, fuck, cunt, COCK SUCKER, tits. And hey, maybe cock sucker doesn't belong either. After all, mother fucker turned out to be a ringer, lets take a look at cock sucker. See if this one belongs, just separate cock and sucker, sucker isn't always bad, although it can be quite suggestive...but it isn't dirty. Now there's cock. Well that word isn't always dirty! That's one of those words that's only partly filthy! Hey, if you're talking about the animal, it's perfectly alright! They read that to children from the bible in 3rd grade! Remember the first time you heard of a cock fight? 'WHAT?! Naaaaaah! Get outa here!'. Heh heh heh!"

Simon sighed, "My list has actually been a personal think up until now. No one ever actually called me."

"I learned from others' mistakes to come up with my list. Any time some one else said something and got in trouble, I'd add it to my list. Heh, it was pretty rough though on my brother, Alvin, growing up. No one tells you what words to avoid! After all, some one's got to make the mistakes. He had to say them to learn which ones they were! 'Shit! POW, GAH! Oh fuck, POW, AGH!'. 'That's two.'. 'Ugh, that's enough trial and error huh Dave? Come on, give me a list, huh?'. 'Alright, you're eleven years old now, and here's a list of words Claire and I don't ever want to hear you say.'. 'Ooooh, gee thanks David. Boy, that's gonna save me an ass kicking or two. *POW* OW! Uggggh.'. Heh heh, he ended up throwing his written list away and just takes the beating whenever one slips out."

"Well folks, that's all the time I've got. Have a good night people!", said Simon whilst picking up his water and walking off stage as the announcer concluded the performance.

**(Sorry I haven't been writing much. I've been playing Black Ops 2 a lot and with the vacation I just took, I'm still winding back into the flow of things. Anyways, happy writing!)**


	5. Theodore Seville, live in California!

**(This comedy act reminds me a lot of the "Innocence Lost" quest from Skyrim. XD Make sure to report any errors I made.)**

An announcer steps up onto the small stage as the previous comedian leaves, "_Alright guys, for our next act, we have the famous rock star from the trio, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Theodore Seville!_"

The crowd cheers and whistles as the young, green-clad chipmunk scurries over to the mic as fast as he can, whilst carrying a miniature acoustic guitar. He jumps up, trying to grab the mic from the stand but only succeeds in catching onto the cord and making the whole thing topple over, the mic hitting the wooden stage with a loud ring from the speakers.

When Theodore picks up the mic, he's panting, "_*Huff* Um, that *Huff* that was rigged...guys._"

Everyone busts out laughing, making him smile with relief.

"_I'm telling you, Alvin sabotaged my mic! *Sigh* Well, guys. That's all the time I've got, good night!_", the crowd chuckles as he turns to leave but then stops. He scratches behind his ear and picks the mic up again, "_Oh whatever. I've got nothing better to do. I suppose I can stay a little while longer! So, folks, did you hear that I got a part time job as an assistant at my school, West Eastman High? I'm helping with a new day care program for little kids! What I've been doing, is I'd take my little guitar here,_ ", Theodore patted the face of the guitar with his paw, "_and I would play it while singing lessons to the kids. It was my idea so that they could learn too while at the day care. I also like to give them advice and I'm going to share some of that advice with you guys here tonight._"

"_What I tell the kids is, uh...I say,_ ", Theodore makes his voice even high pitched than normal, "_Kids..._"

The audience chuckles as he continues, "_When you grow up, you can be anything in the world that you want to be._", Theodore whispers, "I_t's true!_"

Everyone chuckles again.

"_You can be a doctor or a lawyer, an astronaut, president of the united states of America, even...a superhero. *Gasp* Wouldn't that be great kids? Be a cool superhero?! Yeah! Now, who would you be? Batman, superman, uh...wonderwoman? I don't know! Or...you could make up one of your very own. *Gasp* Lets do that right now kids! Lets make up some supaherow!_"

Everyone including Theodore laughed, "_That didn't even sound like a word that time, 'SUPAHARA! LEZ ADA SA NUTA FALA HERA!'._"

The crowd laughs hard for a bit before Theodore proceeds.

"_I'll get you started kids, I'll make up the first one,_ "Theodore begins playing his guitar, "_Ok, just let me think of one for a sec, uuuuh, just hold on. *Gasp*,_ "Theodore whispers, "_Ok, I got it! Here we go!_"

The crowd quiets down as he begins to softly sing, "_If I could beee aaa suuupeeerhero, I would be...Awesome Man. I'd fly around the wooorld fighting crime, according to myyy awesome plaaan. And if I saw criminals trying to lie. Hurting other people...and making them cry, I'd hall them off to jail in my awesome van...cause I would be aaawesooome maaan._"

"_Now kids, sometimes criminals want you to be a criminal too! They offer you things like drugs...and alcohol...but we know to just say no, right?_"

Everyone in the crowd starts laughing and some say no back to Theodore, making everyone laugh even harder.

"_Oh, you're one of thooose crowds. Remind me to never agree to perform here again, but I'll ignore it for now. Anyways..._"

The laughter slowly quiets down and Theodore begins singing again.

"_If I could beee aaa suuupeeerhero, I would be drug free boy. Telling the world of the eeevils of drugs, and aaall of the liiives they destroooy. Well I takes all the junkiiies getting so high, with their needles and bongs and their sticks made of tie, when the jail doors close I would squeak with jooooooy, cause I would be drug free boooy._"

Everyone's laughing at this point but even more so as Theodore starts to try and whistle but fails after the first few notes, blowing nothing but air into the mic.

Theodore tries again only to fail again, "_NUTS! Every time! Phhhhhh...phhhhh, hahaha, cotton mouth again. Ugh, oh well._"

"_If I could beee aaa suuupeeerhero, I would be the...Weather Man, saving the wooorld from baaad weather, that visits places like Tulsa and Japaaan. Well I forecast warnings so people may fleee, so they won't end up playing cat in a treee, then Awesome Man would drive me home in his Awesome van, cause I would be the weeeaaather maaan._"

While everyone's regaining their bearings, Theodore quickly runs off to the side of the stage and comes back with a small water bottle and takes a sip. He caps it and picks back up his guitar.

"_Come on kids, it's your turn! Your turn to make up a super hero. Just shout one, I don't care! COME ON!_"

Random guy among the crowd, "_Fuck you dude!_"

"_Oh...I saw that coming the moment it was time for the audience to get involved. Fuck you dude! The world's greatest superhero! 'Stop with that TV!'. 'Why?'. 'FUCK YOU!'...'Ok? Strangely compelling...'. Wow. I kinda like it though, it gets right to the point! Anybody else?_"

Random guy in the front, "_Butt sex man!_"

"_Butt sex man?!_"

"_Yeah!_", the man yelled back.

"_Sir?_"

Everyone busts out laughing.

"_Are you butt sex man? Haha! You're lucky it's dark out here. Nuts, you know, I'm thinking that would be the most effective super hero ever! 'I'll just take this TV-Hey! What the-AAAAAAH! Aaaaaaah! It burns! *Sobs* Hand me some lube! Aaaaah! Ow, butt sex man!'. I'm clearly joking. That's a terrible super hero! Ugh, who else?_"

Another random guy in the front, "_Valtrex man._"

"_Who?_"

"_Valtrex man._", the man replies.

"_Valtrex man?! Isn't that the herpes medicine? Notice how no one went, 'Yes it is! He's taking doses it's like...three every six hours...I've said too much.'...*Chuckles*...'I am Valtrex Man!'. Oh that's really gross. Could you imagine him walking around the justice league? Like, 'Hey super man! Hey Va-ooooooh...'. *Chuckles more* Oozing the puss of justice, across America! 'Stop!' *Makes a farting noise* *Makes a sound to resemble blemishes popping up* *Wheeze laughs*_"

Theodore talks with sarcasm, "_Kids these are wonderful superheros!_"

Someone yells from deep in the crowd, "_Pussy Man!_"

Theodore stutters, "_P-hmph-Pussy Man!_"

The crowd begins cheering loudly while Theodore just sits there with one paw on his guitar, the other resting on his forehead and his face contort with disgusted amusement. He recomposes himself and continues.

"_I am Pussy Man! 'Boring businessman by day...puss hound by night-'_", then he loses it and starts laughing again, "_Ooooh I'm just kidding. O-or did you mean literally Pussy Man? Like a big-just a pussy in a cape! 'Thwarting crime with my labia majora of justice!...But there's three to seven days out of the month I won't...work.'_"

Everyone laughs for a moment before dying down as Theodore proceeds to revert back to his singing and guitar playing.

"If you could beee aaa suuupeeerherooo, would you be...Justice Dude? Making sure people get what they deserve, especiallycertainchipmunksinredattirewhoareveryruu ude! Like when he floods the house makes Dave lose his job oh so uncooouuuth, ruins the concert plus our vacation tooo, you'd ground him for eternity to his bed rooom, yes then you would be Justice duuude, or then you would be Pussy Man, or then you would be Valtrex Boooy, or then you would be Butt Sex Dude. Yes then you would beee, a suuuperheeero like meeeeeeeee and Fuck You Guuuy."

The crowd cheers and claps as Theodore finishes up and stands up to bow, "Thank yooou!"

**(For the original material, copy n' paste this, "/watch?v=vmDbBRT3rxM", after ".com" in the url search box while on youtube. I hope you enjoyed!)**


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